


What could have been!

by Heavenstands



Series: Destiny of the puppet. [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Use, Forced Prostitution, Gen, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reckless Behavior, Sad Ending, Suicide, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 14:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16641957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavenstands/pseuds/Heavenstands
Summary: This is a companion piece to my other story, "Puppet defeats puppeteer." Must read to understand this story.(A segment from chapter 16 of, "Puppet defeats puppeteer.")'Why did he allow what happened to me if I’m so valuable?'“Dean I couldn't stop it, every scenario I tried turned out with a worse outcome,” God says sadness overcoming his face.'What could possibly be worse than what happened?'“I can show you if you would like,” God offers. I nod giving my permission.He places two fingers on my forehead. Images flash through my head, horrible images.++++See what Dean was shown in this piece.





	What could have been!

Dean P.O.V.

“Aw Dean you really don’t see yourself clearly, now you know the truth. I created you, knowing all you would do and will do. Your soul will always remain pure.” He is right that deep feeling of dirty/tainted disappeared. A weight removed leaving me feeling light and free.

“Good, now that you see yourself clearer there are other things to discuss,” God announces.

“Wait, what about Cas, did um did he see it?” I ask.

_I need him to know I’m pure, even though he said I’m not dirty, the need for him to see is strong._

“He more than saw it because he is an angel he was able to feel and see the full effect. In fact, he is still relaxing in it, and will at any time be able to feel it. Dean before I showed him he already knew of your pure and beautiful soul. Do you think it was a coincidence he was sent to rescue you from hell? No I’ve known since before I created you, you both are soul mates. It’s rare with angels but as you know Castiel is not the usual angel,” He says with an adoring smile aimed towards me.

_He really does love me._

“Yeah he definitely isn’t, that’s one thing that’s great about him,” I respond.

God laughs, “I’ve always loved your sense of humor.”

_Why did he allow what happened to me if I’m so valuable?_

“Dean I couldn't stop it, every scenario I tried turned out with a worse outcome,” God says sadness overcoming his face.

_What could possibly be worse than what happened?_

“I can show you if you would like,” God offers. I nod giving my permission.

He places two fingers on my forehead. Images flash through my head, horrible images.

 

I'm in my room still, this deep feeling of despair and loneliness overcomes me. Dropping to my knees from the intensity of the pain, holding my chest in an attempt to soothe the ache. I try to catch my breath and focus outside of the pain. Looking around the room everyone else is gone.

_Where did they go?_

Hearing crying I look down towards the sound. It's me laying in bed crying, my hair is dirty, and I haven't shaved in at least a week. It's hard to tell but I think that me is a few years older than me now. This pain I'm feeling must be what he is feeling. The floor and all surfaces are littered with trash and empty liquor bottles. Dirty clothes everywhere, checking the clock it's 3 pm and I'm not even dressed.

_What is going on?_

**"Hey get up, what are you doing? You look horrible, what is wrong with you?"**

Trying to get closer an invisible wall blocks me, pounding on the wall does nothing. Old messed up me doesn't even flinch.

The door starts opening and Sam steps inside the room.

_Oh good, he will fix this._

"Dean, you need to get up, it's been three days, please get up," Sam begs.

"Go away," Dean shouts as he starts throwing empty beer bottles.

Sam barely dodges them before he shakes his head leaving the room.

**"What the fuck do you think you are doing, get your lazy ass up. That is no way to treat Sammy!"**

 

Suddenly I'm in some disgusting bar, looking around I find other me. Standing at the bar drinking with several people I don't know. He is trashed, looks like he still hasn't cleaned himself up or even bothered to put on clean clothes. A tall man walks up behind him wraps his arms around his waist whispers in his ear.

"You going to share that ass with all of us again, such a dirty whore can't get enough," the random man says.

**"You are nowhere near sober enough to go with them, what are you doing?"**

I watch as other me stumbles out of the bar, he is so drunk two men have to carry him. Location changes to some cheap motel, other me laying on his stomach on the bed, one man behind him fucking him and another using his mouth. He is not even conscious, they are calling him disgusting names while slapping him around. One slap brings him back to consciousness, he cries out, "Cas."

"He's calling out for this Cas guy again, should we find out who that is," the one using his mouth ask.

"What do I look like a social worker, he offers his ass to me I'm taking it. Not my problem he can't stay awake. He does this all the time, he will let anyone and any amount of people to have him. Always calling out for this, 'Cas,' person," says the guy fucking his ass.

"Hurry up there are more people in line, need to get in before his brother shows up to take him away again," another guy in the room says.

_I don't understand why am I seeking these people out?_

 

Now I'm back in the bunker, Sam is carrying Dean inside. He takes him to our room puts him in our bed. The other Dean is passed out, clothes messed up, hair messy. Big hickeys covering his neck along with hand prints around his throat.

"Why are you doing this? Please let me help you," Sam cries out. Holding his face in his hands sitting on the bed next to passed out Dean.

**"He needs Cas, go get Cas for him."**

 

Room changes but I'm still in my room, other Dean is in different dirty clothes. There is a knock on the door, it's Cas asking to come inside. Other me quickly sits up straightens his clothes and attempts to flatten out his bed head hair.

"Come in," other me says.

Cas walks in hesitantly sits next to him, "Dean are you ok, I'm getting worried?"

"I'm fine just slept bad, no need to worry," the other me responds and puts on an obviously fake smile. Doesn't look like this Cas can tell the difference though.  

"Oh ok because Sam said something is wrong. Was he mistaken?" Cas questions.

"He just worries for nothing, one good night of sleep and all will be fine," he lies to Cas. Cas doesn't look like he completely believes him but also doesn't know what else to say. His eyes land on the huge hickeys on Dean's neck, it's clear they make him sad.

After Cas leaves the room Dean moves over to his dresser removes a bottle of scotch drinks directly from the bottle.

After a few large sips he is already slurring his words, he goes into the bathroom. Looks into the mirror, "No one wants you, he would never want you, he is an angel, your a sinful worthless human. All you have done and all you have let die you don't deserve someone like him," he says to himself.  The feelings of despair and self-loathing are overwhelming.

**"Just tell him how you feel, he loves you, all you have to do is talk to him."**

He continues to drink until he finishes the whole bottle then finds another and drinks about half of that before he passes out. He is lying flat on his back, he starts to choke I can see vomit coming out of the corners of his mouth. I'm pounding on the bedroom door yelling as loud as I can.

**"Dean get up! ROLL OVER, Dean please move, SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE HELP HIM HURRY HE NEEDS YOU Please, Dean ple..."**

Falling to the floor watching as I slowly suffocate. All I can do I kneel here crying as I watch myself take my last breath, covered in vomit in dirty clothes. Sobbing my whole body is shaking.

**"Why, why would I do this to myself?"**

Everything goes dark

 

When a light appears I am standing in a cemetery along with several others. Cas, Sam, Jody, Donna, Charlie, and Garth are all standing there silent.

"Are you sure you don't want to give him a hunter's funeral?" Garth asks.

"Yes, I'm sure, I'll find a way to get him back," Sam insists.

"No demon would deal with you, you know this is what Dean would want," Garth says in a pleading tone.

"I said NO, back off," Sam shouts.

Garth holds up his hands, "Ok man, backing off." As he leaves he shakes his head.

Cas is kneeling on top of the grave, a wave of hopelessness and gloom blankets over me causing me to gasp and tremble.

_I must be feeling Cas's this time._

 

The location changes to an outside field. I don't know the location. Cas is yelling at the sky.

"How dare you take him, after everything he has done for you, what kind of just God are you. You allow this to happen to one of your most precious creations. You abandon all of us and yet still expect loyalty and devotion. Not anymore, I'm not your soldier, you are not my father anymore."

Fear consumes me when I see Cas take his angel blade out, cutting his own throat.

**"NO! Cas stop please."**

When Cas's body doesn't drop to the ground I notice he didn't kill himself. He released his grace, leaving a small wound on his neck.

_What is he doing?_

**"Cas you need to get that back, what are you thinking?"**

 

The next location is a dark alleyway. Still recovering from the previous location I jump when I hear voices.

"What is someone as pretty as you doing in a place like this? Don't you have anywhere to go?" a man says, he looks like a pimp.

**"Cas you need to get away from him, he is bad news."**

"I am without a place to go, the person I care for the most is gone. The only one left is Sam. I can't go back there, it's all my fault Dean is gone if only I asked more questions, pushed more, fought more then Sam wouldn't have lost his brother. I have no one left, I've either lost them all or left them," Cas says in-between gasping for breath. Tears falling down his cheeks.  

Overcome with the feelings of sorrow and guilt I'm not able to hold my tear in. Tears flowing down my face making it hard to see. When I wipe my eyes I see clearer, Cas looks bad. His clothes are dirty and he has way more than a 5 o'clock shadow it's more like a 10 o'clock shadow. He looks like he hasn't showered for at least a week.

"I know how that feels, I can help you," pimp man says.

"Really how? What do I do? This hurts, please," Cas pleads.

The man hands Cas a small baggie with what looks to be cocaine.

"Is this medicine?" Cas naively asks.

"Yes just put a little on your finger and breathe it in with your nose. Like this," he says as he shows him.

**"Cas no don't that is not medicine, that is drugs. Please put it down Cas no don't."**

Cas does as he was told.

"Whoa, dude too much less next time ok, here you can have this. Re-medicate every few hours. When you run out let me know I'll be here." Pimp man that I want to beat to a pulp says.

"Um, ok," Cas says in a daze clearly high. A blank look on his face as he slumps down back sliding down the wall behind him.

 

Now I'm in a warehouse, Cas is stumbling up to pimp man. He is shaking and rubbing his arms then under his nose, his nose looks sore and red. He looks worse, his trench coat is gone and he is dirtier somehow. His eyes are bloodshot and face sunk in like he hasn't been eating.

"Cas man this is the third time this week I can keep giving you this stuff for free, it costs me money," Pimp says to Cas with an evil smile.

"What..what do you need, I'll give you anything. Please, I need it, it hurts," Cas begs.

"I think I can find something you can help me with."

"Yeah, anything sure."

Pimp man gently grasps Cas shoulders and leads him to a room where another man is standing.

**"No no no please don't do it please Cas run away."**

"You see this guy here would like a blow job, have you ever giving one before?" pimp man asks.

"No, what is it? Cas questions so innocently.

**"Oh God no Cas."**

"What is it, are you serious?" Cas nods. "Oh, you are going to love this, here kneel here. Yeah just like this. Now all you need to do is open your mouth and do what you are told. You do two of these for my friends and I'll give you another bag of medicine."

Cas nods, open his mouth, his eyes fly open wider when the man's dick is shoved in his mouth causing him to choke. He attempts to pull away, pimp man holds him in place.

"It's ok this won't hurt you and will be quick, sit still to get your meds ok. Yes, like that you are such a good boy for me," He says as he ruffles Cas's hair. Cas stops fighting, after the second guy he gets his meds.

 

This time I appear inside of a run-down motel that is worse than any of the ones I have ever been in. Cas is laying on a bed, some disgusting man is on top of him fucking him. Sweating and drooling all over him, Cas is crying. After the man is done and leaves the room pimp man walks up to Cas. "Cassy baby what is wrong," he asks clearly he doesn't really care from his mocking tone of voice.

"It hurts, they are hurting me," Cas whimpers out.

"Ah, why didn't you tell me, here take some more of this it will help. Only one more friend left tonight. You are my good boy aren't you," he says.

Cas takes a larger amount of coke then the first time sighs and lays back down on his stomach this time. His eyes glaze over.  After the next man is done degrading the man I love. Cas attempts to stand but winces in pain, "I'm still in pain please help me," he calls out.

Pimp man tosses a baggie of coke to him tells him, "Here you earned this. Take some more it will help with the pain. Since you were so good you can have the room for the night. Don't forget you have more of my friends to help in the morning. Careful how much of that you take, you take too much it will kill you." Then he leaves the room.

Cas stares down at the baggie deep in thought, "It would kill me, all of it would kill me. Then I won't feel any pain at all, then I won't have to cry anymore or help his friends anymore."

Pounding on the invisible wall yelling, **"Please stop, don't do this, please."**

He dumps it all out on the dresser and uses a rolled up piece of paper to snort it until it is all gone. He starts to wobble, stumbling towards the bed, misses the bed and begins to seize. Falling to the floor, laying with the side of my cheek on the ground, watching as my angel dies. Blood coming out of his mouth, his whole body shaking until it suddenly stops. His chest stops rising and falling, the man I love dies in front of me and there is nothing I can do. Covering my face as my body shakes with deep sobbing.

Everything goes black again.

 

Suddenly I'm back at the cemetery.

"Are you sure you don't want to give him a hunter's funeral?" Garth asks.

"Yes, I'm sure, I'll find a way to get him back," Sam insists.

"No demon would deal with you, you know this is what Dean would want," Garth says in a pleading tone.

"I said NO, back off," Sam shouts.

Garth holds up his hands, "Ok man, backing off." As he leaves he shakes his head.

Sammy walks back to, "Baby," sits down in the driver's seat, rests his head on the steering wheel. His shoulders start to vibrate, as his breathing quickens. Abruptly he is punching the dash yelling, "HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME."

 

Next location is a farmhouse, Sam is standing in front of the trunk looking through the weapons. He takes a flask out of his pocket, takes a few swigs then puts it back. It's clear he is completely trashed. When he pulls out a machete I assume he is hunting vamps. He shouldn't be alone or drunk during hunts let alone a nest of vamps.

**"Sam go back to the car, leave come back sober and with back up. You know better than this."**

On his Way into the house he stumbles several times, he is so loud there is no way the vamps don't know he is coming. Making a ridiculous amount of noise he breaks the door down then runs in. He almost trips and falls if not for the stair banister catching him. He is bitten three times before he kills them all, bearly making it out himself.

**"What are you thinking? This is not you, you're always cautious."**

 

Now we are standing at a crossroads, Sam is burying a shoe box.

"Sam Winchester surprised to see you, What can I do for you?" A crossroads demon says.

**Don't do it, leave me dead. We can't keep doing this for each other."**

"You know what I want," Sam growled out.

"Oh," the demon says in a fake innocent voice.

"I want my brother back, bring him to me," he demands.

"Let me get this right you want to trade your soul for your brother brought to you. You want him in the same condition you last saw him right?" the demon asks.

**"Sam focus the wording is wrong! Damn it pay attention."**

"Uh, what yeah...yeah back to before," Sam slurred out.

"OK back to how he was the last time you saw him," The demon says as he leans forward waiting for Sam to move the rest of the way towards him. Sam's face shows confusion, he is too drunk to make any choices. As their lips touch completing the deal the demon laughs snapping his fingers, and my dead body appears on the ground next to Sam's feet.

 **"NO no Sammy you just traded your soul for my dead body,"** I sob out.

Sam drops to the ground cradling my head in his lap. Yells, "What is this he is still dead."

"Ah, Winchester, you traded your soul for your brother brought back to you in the last condition you saw him in. Really stupid of you not to pay better attention to the wordings of a contract," The demon says mocking him as he vanishes.

 

Appearing inside of, "Baby," I look around, my dead body is laying in the back seat. Sam is driving, his eyes are bloodshot half closed. He swerves the car as he takes a sip from the flask.

**"Sam you're being stupid pull over, rest sober up before driving again."**

His next attempt to take a sip the flask falls out of his hand spilling whiskey all down the front of him. Not paying attention as he is trying to grab the flask before all the liquor spills out. Hearing tires screeching my head shoots up to see a large truck heading right into us. Sam is thrown around the car, his head hitting the window repeatedly.

**"No, no come on Sammy please no."**

Once the Car stops flipping over Sam falls forward. His eyes are glassy, no life left in them. Blood pouring out of a huge gash on the side of his head.

 

Back, in reality, I'm unable to control it so tears start falling, he is right I would take six months of torture over this. He removes his hand, waits for me to compose myself.

“Do you see now?” God asks me.

“Yes I do, thank you so much. I’d rather those six months happened than that,” I declare.

 


End file.
